The squat- your best bet for quick results.

My sister brought up a good point. I said that the most important word to learn in another language is "Thank you" and she said that it's "Bathroom". She's a bright one, my sis. Bathroom is a good word to know.
I realized, about a year into my sojourn here, that I didn't have the slightest idea what the word for bathroom is in Chinese. So I asked my student/Chinese teacher/17 year old buddy what the word for bathroom was. The sounds that then issued forth from her mouth were like rushing water, a breath of fresh air, and spring all at once. I immediately imagined myself running across a green field, arms flung wide, into the embrace of an invisible lover.
If I were to romanize these sounds, it would look something like this-
"Tschuuuh Shwo" Except the first sound is like a highly controlled sneeze and the second sound is sort of like an uber aspirated S (there, don't tell me I can't remember anything from my linguistics minor- aspirated, suck on that! And uber is from my philosophy class- Nietzche, biotches!) except this S-sound is so pure, so unadulterated that the sordid human mouth ought never to utter it.
Anyways I tried to say this word about four times and gave up completely. The sneezy sound is represented by this innocuous-looking bopomofo character.

Bopo is a phonetic alphabet for Chinese. More on that later.
Anyways, I haven't had much occasion to use the words for bathroom anyways, because there are no friggin public restrooms in Taiwan. I mean, I'll be eating at a restaurant and I'll ask to use the restroom and the waitress'll look completely harassed. If I insist she'll lead me to the private bathroom of the family who owns the restaurant. There are restrooms at my work (though they refuse to provide TP) and train stations, and all western import restaurants (THANK YOU MICKY D'S, KFC'S AND ALL OTHERS!)and that's about it. I stick close to those places.
But I have, on occasion, had to ask to use the restroom in an unfamiliar place. Now, I handily mime hand-washing to let my needs be known. But the first time I needed a bathroom I tried everything ("bathroom" I said with a blind, child-like belief that the waiter would be able to help me, then, pleadingly, "restroom? Banyo? W.C.?") and when that got me no where I mimed lowering my pants and then I squatted.
Here's a tutorial to walk the novice through the process.
Step 1:


Step 2:

A word of caution on step two. If not completed correctly (for example if you actually do pull your pants down instead of just pretending) it could lead to disastrous results.
step 3-the squat:

SUCCESS!!!! (although I guess that depends on your definition of success. If being a dignified representative of your country is a priority than the squat is not on the menu my friends...)